Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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