i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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