you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
