I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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