At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
