he shaved USA in his pubs
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
