yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
