Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
