Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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