so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
