he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
