i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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