did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
