Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
