Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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