I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
