Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's rum buckets o'clock
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
