if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We have started to decorate penises.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize