I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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