So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
