she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it glows. i had to have it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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