And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
