Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
