I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
