Your mouth is God's brothel.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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