just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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