Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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