hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize