I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
