ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize