Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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