My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
