is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize