So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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