Don't make out with my wife yet
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize