make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
