yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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