well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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