She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
