i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
