I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
