i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
