apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He had one of those small greek statue penises
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
