do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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