He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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