he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
bring money and cleavage
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
