I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
