I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This is the high leading the old right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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