y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
