were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
