It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.