he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..