You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?