She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.