So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.