i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.