I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
