I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
