I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
