friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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