I'm lost and stupid without you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
