I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
