why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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