it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
