Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
