"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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