I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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