his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
