hell yes lets make some ravioli
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
