I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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